Then, suddenly, there they were! Green plastic glasses, designed for pure awesome and decorated with classy dinosaurs facing each other in a show of contempt for the world at large. Ayn Rand would have fallen on her knees were she not dead, worshipping this work of art!
Since I am a grown-up, at least in theory, I kept hold of myself and made sure my expression stayed blasé as I struck an uncaring pose and declared that I would have loved those if I were still a child. Evidently, xhakhal was not fooled, for I walked out of that store with a small bag hanging from my easel.
Once I got home, I immediately started plotting, and the day after I realized that the only beverage that could ever make this Glass of Awesome any justice would be the non-alcoholic Mojito I was currently staring at! I held my consecration ritual in my new living room that same evening, and I've simply refused to use another glass in the house since.
Here's a picture of my sanity slipping: